Thursday, July 1, 2010

*cheers ( ^^)Y☆Y(^^ )

to quote my facebook status, i am absolutely drowned. drowned, i declare, in a plethora of fanfictions, translations and all things arashi-related. oh yes, its undeniably of pure joy and all, but slightly overwhelming at times. too beautifully heart-achingly overwhelming but im sure you must be thinking im off to another one of my incomprehensible rants again so imma digress.

yes, i am here to officially declare i've grown up, after all! im beyond my angsty teenage years! though i wonder if i was really that angsty hahahaha you know, somehow, people always get the impression that im bubbly and happy-go-lucky (whatever this really means). a while ago, someone actually told me i have a bubbly personality. me. bubbly. the 15-year-old me wouldve looked in disbelieve at the person and probably snapped at him/her. or laugh in his/her face. being told that now, i still dont quite believe it completely. bubbly and me dont go together. bubbly is foopaosuen. me? im just quietly sitting in my corner and going all dont-come-near-me-unless-i-know-you-well. dont laugh. really, i really dont have much to say usually. well, at least im inclined to believe im that kind of person.

so to have people calling me bubbly and cheerful is still quite new to me hahahaha its something i have to get used to, i guess? i dont quite like it though, because what if one day im not really in the mood to talk or its way too early in the morning for my brain to be functioning (after noon would be the peak, or better yet, after midnight) and people would think im depressed and start asking me things. or as people get to know me better, they find out im not all that sunshineandrainbows as im supposed to be, and feel disappointed. its ridiculous, isnt it?

 morning = reluctance.

though i think the more comfortable i am with someone, the less i talk. its like, the presence of that person is more than enough. its somewhat comforting, the idea of being so close to someone that you dont have to put on any facade or tire yourself out doing/saying something you dont feel like doing/saying. its like, that person already knows who you are, so there's no need for anything else. isnt that a exquisite feeling. a somewhat scary one too.

saying such things so openly, here especially, this is the thing that made me feel im really growing older day by day hahaha this is not the kind of thing i would usually do. but ah well there's a first for everything, no?

back to more casual topics, today's the last day of work!!
オメデトウ ( ^ _ ^)∠☆!
after a month and a half of early mornings and same old countings everyday, im finally done! it feels somewhat bittersweet though, to leave when an extra pair of hands is needed so much, and to say no to the pleadings to continue working, i feel a little guilty. everyone's so nice to me, and considerate too! even though i was just a parttimer, they made sure i didnt do more work than i need to, always ask me how im holding on and help me in the areas im not good at. also, they always smile so kindly whenever i apologised for my little mistakes and my er tendency to forget things wtf 
_| ̄|○
free stuff because they love me like that yo

 on the other hand im really relieved i dont have to face going to work and keeping up with the pressure anymore hahaha and also, im going to puasa from makeup for like a whole year wtf. but tomorrow is chores day, to settle things that have to be settled so i'd have to wake up early tomorrow and despite my longing to go back to penang and all, i have a feeling im going to miss kuantan (and everyone in it) very very much. in fact once i reached penang i'll most probably complain and tell everyone who would listen how awesome kuantan is and how much i want to go back to living in kuantan. yeah i think i'd be likely do that, i seem to have that kind of character hahahaha those grass-is-always-greener-on-the-other-side kind.having said that, i guess the most apropriate thing for me to do now is to appreciate everything max and lepak with friends here max and makan kuantan food max! :D

ruru, lets go for cendol tomorrow!!   

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