Saturday, October 9, 2010

truth.

its been three days, where my day-to-day going-ons are supported by a background music of buddhist chantings. 
now, for the first time in days, weeks almost, i have some quiet time to myself. alone.

its 5.15am and im awake,
along with a few cousins of mine.
theyre outside playing card monopoly.
i can hear their occasional bursts of laughter from this dining hall.
we're on night duty, one could call it.

i just finished my literature review, retracing the sources was a mighty pain in the ass i tell you.
next on the list: ethnic research (20 pages) and campaign methodology (40 pages?).
i dont even want to think  about my advertising assignments, both individual and group. bloody hell.

but for now, i have these three hours to myself.
i would  go to sleep, but i just realised nobody prepared any place for me to sleep!

i hate coffee. yet im drinking my second glass right now. while cracking peanuts.
i feel like an old man, so at peace and calm right now.
i really like the stillnes of an ungodly early morning,
provided that im not rushing my ass off finishing some assignment or something.

damn, why does that word keep haunting me. assignments.
its like everything i do, i feel a burden of work undone at the back of my head.

you know, i dont really want to go back.
but im not sure if i want to stay as well.
one by one, things familiar to me are slipping way.
i dont fight it anymore, i just go along with the course of things.
like an autumn leaf drifting along with the stream.

its 5.35am. one cant help but to be honest with oneself at this hour.
truthfully i've been avoiding this topic, eluding from mentioning it.
i dont want to deal with people's reaction, their politically-correct response.
its hard enough that i had to leave things behind so abruptly.
i had to text, email and call about eight to nine person as soon as i found out,
just to let them know i had to shirk away from my responsibility towards them for a while.
and then there are those who had to pick up after me, and left to explain my sudden absence.
im so sorry, really. 



and now, im tired of avoiding this matter.


my grandmother passed away.

there, i said it. 

the funeral's tomorrow.

3 comments:

  1. hello sayang. we love you.
    don't worry about assignments for now, it's still gonna be there and then but life could be here now but gone later. just like autumn leaf, you said.
    may you grandmother rest in peace, and may your entirely family stay together and be strong.
    i dont think i could personally tell you this because i would cry, because i think i'm crying right now.
    come back soon and let's eat good food okay?
    love you lots.

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  2. tans thankyou so much for your comforting words, it soothes till no end, really. youre too kind. i thank God so much for letting me meet you caring and phunny peeps. love ya max like seriously.

    jess thanks hun thanks so much.

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