Sunday, January 11, 2015

Back to December

I couldn't shake off that strange feeling every since new year's eve. Like a cloud that lingers at the back of my mind, it seemed like a burden that I blindly carry along with no purpose. Even as new year's day approaches, time seemed to have stopped. Or rather, time have glided smoothly forward and left me behind. I'm just sitting there, watching it all happen and pass. 

It wasn't until few days later that I finally realized what's wrong.

December. December didn't happen.

Not the month itself, duh, but like, as part of the process, the cycle. Every year, I would start to feel it creep inch by inch into my bones as that month approaches. The gray skies, the chill of the air, the damp ground, the hibernating sun, the dreadful silence. I guess I was so caught up with work this time that I had not noticed those little pieces. Next thing I know I've gotten pass the whole lot without an acknowledgement. The fireworks lightened up the sky before I had time to stop and look around. That felt strange.

Now that a week or so have gone by, and the cycle lingers a little longer than usual, and I've stopped to look and feel and acknowledge, I'm catching up again with time. Just a few days more, and we'll be side by side. It almost feels normal again. To be honest I don't know if it's a good sign or not, to have skipped the process. No complains though. Just sorting it all out.

I have to say it though, just in case this marks a beginning.

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